WHR vs. PNH: My Perceptions on the Differences

It has been a long time since I have posted. Late spring and early summer I took a class called the Waterhole Rituals Insider Circle, by Carolyn Resnick. After spending the winter learning what I could on my own, it was nice to get some more formal instruction and also direct advice from Carolyn herself. Gunny and I have come a long way in repairing our relationship. In this process I have thought a lot about how things got "broken" and how to create a sustainable and healthy relationship that we can share from this point forward.

Briefly, my relationship with Gunny became broken over the past couple of years as we were practicing the Parelli patterns and doing more and more of the horsenality-based ideas while working on our level 3 together. Gunny became impulsive, spooky, threatened to throw temper tantrums, and generally not much fun to be around. Previously, he had been a joy to ride out of the trail, calm with perfect impulsion, willing to learn new things, non-spooky, and happy to do whatever we were doing. In the late fall of '09 I finally had enough and realized that what I was doing wasn't working and it wasn't that I just wasn't doing it well enough, but rather that I needed to find some different ideas or techniques. So that is how we ended up finding Carolyn and the waterhole rituals and what brings me to this point.

I think I am starting to understand some of the similarities with Parelli and the Waterhole Rituals, but more importantly, I am understanding the differences. Carolyn Resnick doesn't want to behave like a dominant horse. A dominant horse engages in self-serving behavior, which means behavior that involves picking fights/winning fights in an attempt to increase rank. Early on in her observations of wild horses, Carolyn noticed the dominance behavior and decided she didn't want any part of that. She realized that she was no physical match for a horse and she also noticed that horses engaging in dominance behavior will always question the dominant horse to see if they are still going to be dominant.

Lead horses increase their rank without engaging in this type of behavior, in other words, they avoid conflict. A Lead horse will more passively increase their rank by using their awareness and ability to see what the other horses are likely to do so that they can be one step ahead of them. She also says that lead horses never step into another horse's space uninvited, but are also very good at keeping their own space from being violated by other horses. Correcting rude behavior also increases rank and is lead horse behavior. Carolyn observed that there are certain rituals that only Lead horses perform. These rituals create a change in attitude when the lead horse performs them with another horse. In general these rituals reduce conflict, increase community, and increase bonds and nurturing.

With what I have learned from the Waterhole Rituals, I realize that the relationship I had built with Gunny through my application of Parelli-based methods was based mostly in the dominance arena. (in Gunny's eyes). Some of the things that I was doing that were probably perceived by Gunny to be dominant were:

• When greeting Gunny with the horseman's handshake, I would immediately move onto doing whatever I planned to do. For example, haltering, petting, picking up feet, or putting on his fly mask.
• My communication was directed "at" him. The training situations I set up were almost always about moving his body in a certain direction and in a certain way.
• If he would move in a different direction or a different way than I was asking, I would try to correct him as he was moving and then do what it took to get him moving in the direction and way that I had in mind.
• If Gunny didn't do as I asked, I would increase my phases of firmness to get what I wanted.

And the reasons I can be pretty sure that he thought we had a relationship based in dominance were:

• Gunny was always looking to see what the minimum was that he could get by with
• Gunny would look for weakness in me and take advantage of it if he could
• Even when he knew how to do something, he would still question whether he really needed to do it or not.

Now, the things that I have been doing to make sure that our relationship is based in the lead horse realm are:

• When I greet Gunny with the Hello ritual, he sniffs my hand and I turn and leave for a little bit before coming back to do whatever I was going to do. This way I am telling him that I am not interested in sticking around and engaging in a dominance battle.
• When we share territory, I send him out of my space if he gets too pushy. This way I am protecting my space and correcting his manners--both lead horse behaviors.
• I set up situations where we can have discussions about food, territory, or focus and create respect and good attitude as a result. This is how lead horses shape the behavior of the members of the herd.
• When communicating about moving out of my space, I direct my communication into the air instead of "at" Gunny. This also is about making a request and not engaging directly in a way the horse could perceive as looking for an argument.
• Instead of correcting Gunny "at the moment" and ending up opposing his action, I either ask again, re-direct him after the action, or set up a waterhole ritual later to address the situation. This way I am not engaging in an argument because I am not opposing him in any way, just making another request.
• If I make a request and Gunny doesn't comply with it, I tend to stay with the request and just pause within it until he responds, or I will withdraw the request for a moment, as if he did it, and then ask again. Or I re-evaluate and change what I am doing if I can see a better way to cause him to do what I want. This way I am not bullying him into complying like a dominant horse, but allowing my behavior to be shaped by his behavior.

Many of these things are just tiny changes from what I was doing. But they make a big difference as to how the relationship functions.

And the signs that tell me that Gunny is looking at me differently are:

• A new level of calmness in my presence.
• Coming to me because he wants to, not because he thinks he "has" to
• Magical occurrences happening regularly, such as running after my car as I drive out the driveway, cantering to me from one smooch with his ears forward and absolutely no other phases or actions from me, standing for fifteen minutes or more at a time resting his head against the top of mine or his muzzle against the side of my face softly, showing me new itchy spots that he has never shown me before, becoming even more considerate with handling his feet--with no extra training on the subject, becoming more considerate with his tail--with no training on the subject, and many more I am sure I am forgetting right now.
• He is no longer looking to quarrel with every single request I make, nor is he looking for any little sign of weakness from me.

This is all very exciting and I look forward to continuing to see where my practice of the waterhole rituals takes Gunny and I in the coming months.